This is Susan, you may know her or someone like her, we just don't know what planet they come from. Susan is a very attractive young lady (with a boyfriend) who for some reason is always late. We are all late, all the time. What makes Susan different is that she has lots of people who seem to always wait for her and they don't seem to mind too much, which just basically encourages her to be late all the time.
We made an attempt to count the hours people have wasted their lives Waiting For Susan, but it was just not possible. If you think that you have seen this woman, you should check yourselves for signs of depression, irritability, anxiety and chain smoking. Other side effects include irritable bowel syndrome and sudden death. Get the appropiate medical care if you have been a victim of Waiting For Susan.
While victims are more often than not store clerks, taxi drivers, Jim, cashiers, return department attendants, waiters, and so on, most of her friends have been affected deeply by the Waiting For Susan syndrome. Lets meet some of the people who find themselves Waiting For Susan on a regular basis, and estimate how much of their lives have been wasted because of her lack of time skills.
This is Jim. You may remember Jim from such films as The Sofranos and the Available Greek With Money.
In Jim's estimate he spends about a third of his day Waiting For Susan. We start early in the morning when Jim makes his way to pickup Susan. No matter what the agreed upon time, Susan will be late and Jim will wait. And wait.
Jim is a busy guy and has a lot of meetings and appointments. When he makes his plans in the morning, he has to take into account the time that will be wasted Waiting For Susan. Sometimes he gets up earlier than usual so that he can get to Susan's early and pressure her to get ready. It never works and Jim waits. And waits.
Going out to lunch is usually pretty easy. Basically you just wait. People finish their tasks one by one and get together to wait for Susan. You would think she has the Secret Service at her disposal. Once Susan is ready her Entourage will go to lunch. They have all been Waiting For Susan for so long that they have developed immunity to the anxiety and depression symptoms.
Here comes the menu. Oh... wait. We are with Susan. What are you going to have dear?
You see, Susan has to make the perfect choice every time. So... we all wait.
But wait! There is more! Once she makes the right choice she may have to veto your choice. You see, she likes to try new things, which means you have to order something that she has not tried before. So you wait while she picks what you are going to eat. And wait. In the meantime, the waiter who thought you were ready discovers that he is now also Waiting For Susan.
Hey, it's late we should really go home. But somebody's futzing around and trying to get things done last minute. So Jim waits. And waits.
Here is Sean. You may remember Sean from films such as The Guy Who Pulled My Free Cable and He Repoed My Car!
This man has one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. Waiting For Susan. That may be all there is to his new life. Someday he is going to sell the rights to the movie, it will feature exciting things such as depressed people and suicides, but it will also be long... and boring. Make sure you bring your cell phones to this movie (yes, they are allowed in this movie) as you will have a long wait.
This is Ricardo. You may remember Ricardo from films such as Here Comes Ricky and Lucy Has Left the Building.
Ricardo found himself trapped Waiting For Susan very often. Until one tragic day. After getting to the restaurant at the exact time, he attempted to keep the baby happy while Waiting For Susan. Everyone knows that babies only last an hour at a restaurant, after which they can become very violent. Everyone knows this except Susan. So when she finally showed up, it was time to go home. The dinner was off, go figure.
Now Ricardo goes out of his way (and his mind) trying to conceive ways to avoid being trapped in the Waiting For Susan game. So far his success record avoiding Susan is so so.
This is Hammad. You may remember Hammad from films such as Taxi and From 7 To 11.
It's not exactly rush hour, and Hammad has been waiting 30 minutes for his next fare. What he doesn't know is that Susan was on her way to dinner but now she is running late. When they finally meet Hammad may not realize it, but he has been Waiting For Susan. For a while.
This is Katherine. You may remember Katherine from films such as Serial Mom and Honey, I Blew Up The Baby.
Katherine makes dinner for Susan every nigth. Only Susan never gets home in time and the dinner is cold, if not ruined. Then after dinner Katherine waits for Susan to watch their favoritae shows together, Susan says "I am only going to talk to Sean for a minute" and she never returns. Sometimes she manages to return for the last five minutes of a movie that she quickly pronounces stupid or she will watch a show only to fall asleep and wake up during the most important part and ask "What's happening!" Surely, she falls asleep during the answer.
This is Dean. You may remember Dean from films such as Susan Stole My Homework and Susan Got Me Fired From Burger Mart.
Yes, this man once had a chance in life. When they were kids, Susan promised Dean that she'd help with his homework. Only Susan was late to school, and failed to deliver the homework. After being scolded by the teacher, Dean lost interest in school and started missing classes often.
Years later, fate reunited them again at the Burger Mart where Dean was working at his after school job. Dean still had a shot at life, but because he spent so much time waiting on Susan, he was fired. Look at him now.
So the Dean story may not be true, but at the end of the day, you have to wonder. Why do all these people put up with Waiting For Susan?. Well I guess they all like her and love her very much. So we will Wait again.
